Friday, July 15, 2011

How is it possible to feel intense pain as a result of emotion?

Growing up, I began to repress most every emotion. I'm a quiet person now, and no one can easily tell when I'm sad or angry. I kind of just got used to blocking things that bothered me. Now, I have a lot of anxiety issues that I'm sure are a result of this repressing behavior. I have never really trusted anyone enough to let them in and actually talk about anything deep. I began talking to a friend, and I've made a lot of progress in this area. Recently, I "let down the wall" that was holding in a lot of these emotions and memories and since have been feeling actual pain. How is this possible? The first time I tried to talk to him about an unpleasant experience I had been repressing, I felt so much pain in my chest, I couldn't speak. Now, a few days later, the pain comes back when I think about that memory that I had blocked. It's sudden. It's a different kind of pain. I guess since I've guarded myself since I was young to actually feeling anything like this, maybe I'm just not used to it? Do normal people have this manifestation of emotion in the form of real and crushing physical pain? It's very quick, but it takes my breath away. I really do hate it, but ever since I "opened up" I am experiencing this feeling many many times a day. Will it go away? Sorry, as I'm typing this, I realize I sound like some emotionless robot, but I was really numb to everything before a few days ago. I honestly don't know what to do. I would appreciate any insight.

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